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A Memory Triggered (and a Reminder to Live Each Day to Its Fullest)

The home page of The New York Times on-line today had photographs and an article about a deadly tornado in Joplin, Missouri.  Reading about the devastation brought the spontaneous emotions of compassion and concern, as we have with all such news.  I was moved to read the article more thoroughly than I might otherwise have done because for a couple of years of my life, I was deeply engaged in a matter that concerned Joplin and traveled there a number of times.

The original intent of the Employee Retirement Income Security Act of 1974 (known by its acronym ERISA)–my legal specialty– was to make sure that if workers were promised a retirement benefit, they would actually get it.  What has happened with the expansion and revisions of the law since is like any complicated matter in a society that is subject to the entanglements of the economics of business and human nature and far beyond the scope of this blog. 

At its most basic level, the ERISA requires that if a company promises to pay workers a certain amount on retirement, they must put money in trust to be able to pay it.  A company in Joplin had promised dozens of workers a retirement starting long before the enactment of ERISA and continued making the promise until the company closed in the late 1980s, but never made any effort to comply with the law when it was enacted.  The family and executives were fine financially when the company closed its doors, but a cadre of mostly pink collar retirees were left with no pension.  I was new to the Department of Labor and still litigating.  I was assigned the case to hold the owners and responsible executives responsible for not properly ensuring in accordance with the legal requirements that the necessary funds had been put in trust to pay the workers’ pensions.  This meant that I had to travel to Missouri to interview witnesses, to take depositions, and to appear in court.

One trip required a deposition in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  To save money and time for the government, I simultaneously scheduled interviews with witnesses in Joplin, which is about a two-hour drive east of Tulsa.  On that trip, an attorney junior to me was attending so that he could start learning with someone there to observe him.  My plane to Oklahoma was delayed by over 24-hours–first massive thunderstorms in DC; then, the bankruptcy of Transworld Airlines, which stopped flights while I was waiting for the new flight after the original had been cancelled due to weather.  Instead of arriving in Tulsa the night before, I got there at 10:30 am the day of the deposition, which had been scheduled to start at 9:30.  The defendants refused to wait and bullied the extremely nervous junior attorney into starting without me.  He muddled along and then I finished when I got there, although the defendents certainly had created an atmosphere of antagonism that is not really necessary.  (The best lawyers I know treat everyone involved in a case with courtesy, respect, and friendliness, with the recognition that each one has a duty to best represent the interest of his or her client.)

While the deposition was pending, one of the attorneys who was based in Missouri got a telephone call that the judge had ruled on the defendants’ motion for summary judgment–a filing that asks the court to rule that as a matter of law, there is no way that the other side can win regardless of what facts might come out.  This was before email and cell phone, etc., so we had to wait to find out what was in the ruling.  During the course of the day, the defendants threatened to go after the government for costs if we continued the deposition because they were so certain that they had won.  It was a long and challenging day, but we persisted.

At the end of the work day, we got into our rental car and drove from Tulsa to Joplin.  It is flat, open land–tornado country.  There had been afternoon thunderstorms with towering clouds and breaks of sun and blue.  Even though we were as tired as one might expect from this story, we managed to enjoy the roadtrip aspect, spinning the am radio dial at every song to find one we thought worth hearing.  As we neared the end of our trip (getting ready to check into the Ramada on the highway amidst the strip malls and fast food joints that had put out of business all the small family-owned shops with any charm in the downtown), we saw an enormous and full rainbow light up the sky.  One end was right in Joplin.

When we checked in, we were handed the decision of the court, which a co-worker had faxed to us.  We had prevailed on all counts; the case on behalf of the retirees could continue (not long after, we settled for as much as could have been gotten at trial because of the ruling).  That was almost 20 years ago, but I still remember the feeling that at the end of the rainbow was the small pot of gold for those workers.  Many of them were already in their 70s and older in 1992, and those that are living are truly getting on in years.  I hope they are ok.

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    Fraying at the Seams (and Samskaras)

    I have spent most of the last three days working from home so that I could be on site while repairs ensuing from the earthquake and hurricane were done.  I’ve been luckier than most in the path.  The damages I sustained from these extreme forces of nature can all can be repaired with relative ease.  The leak in the living room was from gaps between the house and the windowsill and the porch roof and the house.  The leaks in the upstairs bathroom were from screws attaching the skylight to the roof having been shaken loose.  The 100-year old gutter pulled away from the house and sprang some leaks, but can get wait another year or so with just being patched instead of replaced.  The cracks in the brick and the mortar dislodged and completely washed away call for repointing before winter, but that was going to have to be done in the next five or six years anyway.  Several more things got loosened or lifted up or away from where they were supposed to be, but that is why god made caulk guns and foam sealant in spray cans.

    What I find interesting about looking at the damage is that the worst of it was at places that previously required repairs during my 21+ years in the house; some of these, based on the way the ceilings had already bulged or cracked when I moved in were evidently chronic trouble spots perhaps since the house was built.  Why those places?  It could be the soil on which the house sits, the direction it faces, the activities of neighbors, the presence and absence of trees around the house, the minor, but daily tremor caused by the D6  bus.  If something was going to come apart at the seams in the house, it is not surprising it came apart where it is inclined to come apart and even less surprising that Hurricane Irene created more damage because the house was already fraying at the seams because of the earthquake (and the continuing aftershocks).  The places that came apart under stress were the places where the old repairs did not reintegrate fully into the integrity of the design and function of the house.   Those are still are the vulnerable spots, the places most likely to come apart in a blizzard or a hurricane or an earthquake.  The better and more thoughtfully integrated into the rest of the structure of the house a repair, though, the more likely it is to cease to be a spot for future repairs.  Some old repairs that were done mindfully have ceased even to be remembered as places where a repair was required.

    The same sort of pulling apart at the edges, at the weak spots, at the less than optimal repairs of old injuries, as happened with the house in the past few weeks, happens to me when challenges and opportunities for personal growth pile on, as they have been doing for me for the past several weeks, starting with things wholly unrelated to the weather.  Although I am taking things in stride and with ever more flexibility and openness the more I practice, I can feel my familiar default setting–anxiety and sadness–emerging at the stress points.  None of the personal things that had come up before the earthquake and hurricane, nor the impact of both and the preparation for the latter, alone would have been enough to shake me up much.  As they become a basketful, though, I can feel my old tendencies closer to the surface with each thing that gets added into the experience.

    Just like the places where the house tends to come apart, my tendency to get anxious and the triggers for the anxiety are familiar spots.  They have been there for decades.  Perhaps they came from another life.  For the house, the original spots may have started with the materials–the character of the trees and stones and mud and ore out of which the house was built.  Some of my stress points I recognize in my parents and my grandparents whether or not they come from previous lives of my own, some are related to my physical make-up, some from the exact place and time of my birth.

    These tendencies of ours are samskaras — the ingrained patterns that are the results from our actions, impressions — some deeper than others — in the very fabric of our being that shape how we behave and respond to what comes, thus creating more samskaras.  The more we respond in our habitual way, the more imbedded become the samskaras and the more they keep us from being conscious of and aligned with the fullness of being.  One of the key benefits of practicing (meditation and other practices) is to lessen how impressionable we are, that is, to make it so that new stresses do not deepen old patterns or create additional patterns that take us out of alignment with the flow of being.

    As I feel old stuff getting churned up, I seek to dissolve and benignly release it through my practices, while  steadily, and as mindfully as I can, doing what needs to be done to get on with this fully-engaged householder life at this wild time.  It is one of my intentions to practice sufficiently so that I will be able to be in the flow and respond in the highest no matter what comes.  There will likely be more and greater challenges than what I have already in this lifetime experienced.

     

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    Found Exhortation (Core Value of the Month: Discipline)

    What if we were to cease to think of discipline as constraint, as punishment, as something confining and unattainably rigorous, something satisfying only in having suffered for gain?  What if we were to understand it, as Swami Chidvilasananda, suggests as discipleship, a cleaving to the path out of the exquisitely blissful yearning for the light?  Such discipline is, I think, what is the true practice of brahmacharya — aligning with the divine.

    It was such a beautiful day that I spent as much time as possible walking in the neighborhood.  That walking is “good for me” was just an incidental benefit.

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