Found Exhortation


Ruda, who is both the ancestor of Shiva and another name for Shiva, is known as the howler. Rudra is wild and fierce. Rudra rages. I heard Paul Muller-Ortega recently describe Rudra. He said Rudra rages, but offered that there are lots of things against which to rage, such as injustice and inflicted suffering.
The idea of Shiva/Rudra raging has filled my contemplations for the last week. The questions that arise for me is “what is divinely inspired rage?” “When is fierceness or rage serving to expand love and compassion rather than just destroying the self or others?”
When are rage and destruction necessary to optimize the flow of energy? I think of Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi. I think of a surgeon removing a tumor. When I think of the ongoing war in Iraq; the newest reports of torture; the potential that corporate interests, ignorance, and bigotry may completely undermine this country’s coming to agreement on providing basic health care for all, I think that living a quiet life is not fully engaging a life of the spirit. How do I find a place of non-attached, but fierce action? How do I find Rudra and not get distracted by personal desires for outcome (and personal desires for simple peace and quiet)? When should I howl, to whom should I howl, and what?
This rage, this fierceness, must come from a grounding in the heart with the discrimination of study and practice. If I cannot find it myself, can I at least support those with the courage and wisdom to be directly engaged?
I had forgotten completely about this full moon holiday named “guru purnima.” But last night when I was getting off the bus after evening Spanish class, i was greeted by the brightness of the moon and I stopped and bathed in it. It was a few minutes before I took the picture. I love it when the camera adds something not visible to the naked eye.

I am sitting in Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International airport waiting for the plane that should already be carrying me home to finish being repaired. After having done a full hour of practice this morning in my room, having a last delicious breakfast at the retreat center, and enjoyed the two-hour ride with friends to the airport, I find myself perfectly happy to sit in the airport. I am warm and well-fed. I have bought a novel to read on the plane — Lev Grossman’s “The Magicians” — and put aside a philosophy handout to write. The handout, a translation of the beginning of Abhinavagupta’s “Tantrasara” that was given to us by Paul Muller-Ortega to support our meditation practices, teaches us to seek the power of bliss through the practices, this bliss being true knowledge and true freedom. The more we practice, the more we can draw on this power and abide in a state of true happiness. Paul Muller-Ortega sometimes says that we want to be “unreasonably happy.” As I sit here feeling perfectly content after my weekend of practice and community and watching others in the airport get progressively grumpier with the delay, I feel unreasonably happy. I also feel fully motivated to practice and study ever more deeply so that I can abide ever more steadily and this glorious unreason.